so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
