wakey wakey hands off snakey
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
