is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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