I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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