I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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