when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
