i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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