Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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