South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
