don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
