I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
