Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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