Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
