So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
