i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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