If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I intend to get homeless drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
