I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
