i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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