Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
