Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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