I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
