Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
