there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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