so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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