Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
