I'm pants shitting drunk right now
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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