My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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