i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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