Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
