My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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