No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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