I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch