Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe