we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail