Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?

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(210): eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life? http://tfl.nu/6stl

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(925): View more from California

Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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(925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde

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(269): View more from Michigan

dude she's married.

(1-269): View more from Michigan

so? a ring don't cover no holes.

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(269): dude she's married. (1-269): so? a ring don't cover no holes. http://tfl.nu/8xdg

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(941): View more from Florida

so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow

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(941): so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow http://tfl.nu/gsjr

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

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(609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn

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(734): View more from Michigan

going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.

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(734): going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season. http://tfl.nu/7bt6

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(304): View more from West Virginia

For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.

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(304): For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea. http://tfl.nu/eupz

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name

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(403): I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name http://tfl.nu/7q8a

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(870): View more from Arkansas

No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.

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(870): No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you. http://tfl.nu/b7m8

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(308): View more from Nebraska

And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

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(308): And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night? http://tfl.nu/df5d

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(903): View more from Texas

So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me

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(903): So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/8jt8

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.

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(717): I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass. http://tfl.nu/cjg7

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(250): View more from British Columbia

There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.

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(250): There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo. http://tfl.nu/qbed

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(269): View more from Michigan

I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?

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(269): I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that? http://tfl.nu/gk3a

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(214): View more from Texas

Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer

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(214): Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer http://tfl.nu/w9ex

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