the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.