Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
