I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
