Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
