What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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