Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
