Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
