You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
the raccoons are back...
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