Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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