I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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