peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
