So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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