she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
