Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
