Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
