Joe is yelling at the trees again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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