I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
