She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
