hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
