Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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