guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
