Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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