Christians are straight up FREAKS
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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