Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
