I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
