I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
