You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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