this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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