Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
