You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
