I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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