I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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