A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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