That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
