i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
