I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
