well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
