Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
