We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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