the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
love makes seman taste better
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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