Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
