Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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